Why saying ‘no’ to a client can be the most helpful thing to do
“Coaching someone to run a ceremony themselves, is much more effective than doing it for them.”
Saying ‘no’ to a client often feels wrong or uncomfortable. But sometimes it’s one of the most useful things you can do. It might be exactly what they need to move forward.
I recently finished working as an agile coach with a client’s senior leadership team. I was brought in to coach the team’s members and help them improve how they worked, both as a team and across the wider programme.
What I was asked to do day to day was quite different. Instead of coaching and improvement, I was asked to coordinate the leadership team’s work, run ceremonies and fill gaps in programme management.
I often found myself balancing 2 things: wanting to be helpful, and knowing I should say ‘no’ to some requests. Not because I didn’t want to do the work, but because experience had taught me that doing it would let the client down in the long run.
When to push back
Here’s 3 examples of situations I’ve come across as a delivery manager where pushing back is the right thing to do.
When the work belongs to someone else
Your client might ask you to take on tasks that belong to people in their own teams, or that those people are better placed to do. If you step in, you risk undermining them. You can also end up creating a culture where the client relies on outside help and nobody owns the work. Coaching someone to run a ceremony themselves, is much more effective than doing it for them.
When you think the work won’t help
Your client might want to commit significant time, money or people to something you’re confident won’t improve things. The decision might not be yours to make, but you shouldn’t just agree or stay quiet. Raise your concerns and steer them in a better direction. At the very least, be honest (one of our core dxw values).
When the request crosses a line
If a client asks you to do something unethical or illegal, or something that goes against good practice or your own organisation’s values, saying ‘no’ is a no-brainer. A good employer will always back you up.
How to say ‘no’ well
So how do you say ‘no’ with professionalism, confidence and empathy? These are the 3 steps I follow.
1. Do your homework
Gather the information you need and make sure you understand the context. That way you can be sure that saying ‘no’ is the right call, and you’ll have the evidence to back it up.
2. Pick the right setting
Raise your concerns in the right place. That might be a one-to-one conversation with the senior stakeholder. Share evidence, both from the client’s own setting and from your wider experience. Help your client see the benefits and downsides of each option, so they can choose what works best for them.
3. Prepare what you’ll say
Plan and practise what you want to say in advance, even if only at a high level. This will help you stay calm, confident and polite, wherever the conversation goes. Be ready for them to disagree. Your client won’t always agree with you, and you’ll need to go with their decision. But you’ll know you did the right thing, and they’ll know they can trust you to speak up. That’s a win in itself.
Don’t put it off
Pushing back can feel hard, and it’s tempting to put it off. But it’s best to have the conversation as early as you can. In my experience, clients usually appreciate it when you raise real concerns at the right time, in the right way – especially when it’s motivated by making their lives easier.